3 Months later.....
Christmas is banging on the door.
foot surgery in a week
married my best friend 16 years ago on Friday
11 yr old daughter 1/2 inch shorter than me.
son can now play some piano and sings like an angel :)
mini son is a big boy and never wants me to hang around
when he is having a play-date, but somehow ends up cuddled next to me at 5am every morning.
Time marches on.
and in the immortal words of Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias,
"Time marches on and pretty soon you realize it's marching all over your face!"

wii fit

we finally found a wii fit today and got it.
i'm excited to try it but im also having anxiety about it
i have heard that when it measures your body size
you step on the pad and the body balloons up to your size

i know i'm fat . do i need my game console to confirm it to me?
i thought this was supposed to encourage me to exercise.
isn't the truth suppose to set you free? not send you into a full fledged
anxiety attack!!!

I am here, I am here , I am here!!

I have been absent for a while
summer laziness is excuse #1
back to school busyness is excuse #2

But now I'm back!
I love the beginning of the school year
a combination of pure joy to have a schedule
and pure chaos as I get used to a crazy schedule

have found a great organizer that is helping
Go mom inc. makes a trifold organizer
meal planning , shopping list, addresses, calendar
you name it , it has it

committed to filing it out , completely
thats new for me
usually just partially fill out and then don't use it
can't do that anymore with our schedule

meals have to be planned!!!
Kids have to be picked up!!!!!
Appts. have to be kept!!!!

It is helping, but it is still new so we will see.

Taking suggestions for good easy dinnners
my repetoire is getting boring.

Enjoy the the 1st day pictures!!

JJ Heller

here's a great singer that we got to hear at family camp this year
she is making her album available FREE for a few weeks
ENJOY

Jose Vanos

Today i got to experience the memorial of a life well lived.
my best friend's mom past away last week.
her service was today
she was a wife
a mom
a grandmother
a friend
and she will be missed.

dutch immigrant.
came to America sight unseen.
was a devoted woman of faith and served her catholic parish faithfully
helped her husband start a flower nursery business
from the ground up
raised 4 children
came to almost ALL their games
did daycare in her home even after she became a grandmother
LOVED SPORTS and BRIDGE
after being in america for 40+ years still had a thick accent
my name was pronounced yennifer.
traveled the world cruising with her husband in their retirement
gave great hugs and always made you feel welcomed
put her family before herself her whole life
will be miss by all she touched.
Until we meet again
Goodbye Mrs. Vanos

make-over

so the kids and brian are gone on a dad/kid camp-out
so mom has a lot time to hang out on the computer.
hence the blog make-over
im not sure how the quotes section is going to work
i have no control over the quotes it chooses
so i apologize if they offend anyone
i found a great site if your looking to enhance your blog
widgetbox
google it
let me know how you like it.

America's Most Wanted

had our own little fox reality show last night
around 12:40 am first heard the helicopter.
hear them every now and then
only for a second or 2 then they move on
not last night
it circled our house and neighborhood
spotlight shining down.
wasn't worried at first.
then 15 minutes past.
kept circling
the light was right in our backyard
i kept giving Brian the update
he didn't have his eyes in
but after 20 minutes he broke down
got up to get his glasses
we took turns running from window to window
saw 3 to 4 cop cars driving slowly down our street
"Brian... should we check all the doors and windows?"
they were locked
"should we call the police station? are we in danger?"
40 minutes later
"Jen grab the phone in case we have to call quickly."
60 minutes later the copter seems to be moving a little east
no spotlight now
starts to quiet down
" did you hear that"
"Yes"
"do you think there is someone back there?"
"I don't know"
window check again
Nothing
" i know i heard something"
"Me too"
" could something be hiding in the shed outside?"
"i don't know"
Silence
...Waiting
i don't know if i can fall back to slee.....ZZZZZZZZ
thank God I fall asleep easily
Brian not so fortunate
we call the police dept in the morning
burglary suspect was chased and apprehended
all they would tell us
guess there wasn't anything in the shed:)

i miss them

My 2 oldest left for camp yesterday.
i miss them already
andrew ask when they will be home
it has only been 1 day

nothing seems quite right when we aren't all together
told Brian that we will be lonely
when they all grow up and move away
cherish each moment
live in the now

i also miss them b/c im stuck with all their chores when they are gone :)

SUMMER CAMP

wow, it has been a while
summer's great!
time with kids .

just got back from camp
family camp
didn't go to sleep-over camp as a kid
so this has been my second childhood

love it
no cooking
no cleaning
childcare provided
bible teaching
great worship band
fun activities
trip to santa cruz beach boardwalk

had so much fun but great to be home
enjoy the pics

School's Out For Summer

i was a teacher and i remember the last week of school
a whole lot of nothing
sort of pointless
cant figure out why we had to be there
but if we got rid of it then it would just happen the week before

now my kids are in the throws of the pointless week of school
Island water park one day
board games the next
read and feed wednesday
cleaning your desk and the room
early release friday

pointless, i know, but sometimes being pointless is the point.
some of my favorite school memories are those pointless days-
heads up 7 up games
4 corners
silent ball
days where the plans is you have no plan
just hanging out with your classmates and teacher
enjoying each other after a year of work and purpose

so i'll try not to grumble this week
when i have to wake up to take the kids to school
or send another $10 for some activity
or weed through the piles of papers
and projects that all come home on the same day
Pointlessness has a point at times!

gratitude and prayer

My little brother graduated this weekend
He now has his Master's in Occupational Therapy
It was a big time of celebration for my family

David has always taken is own path in life
He was not going to attend college after high school
He got in but just didn't want to go
Got his captain's license instead
Worked in Alaska taking out fishing tour groups
300 lbs halibut and 70 lbs salmon
Came back to the Bay Area and continued fishing
But in his late 20's decided to completely change his direction
Left one career to start a new one
Student

Started in community college
Worked and studied
Moved on to San Jose State
Go Spartans!
First class at SJ state to do the new requirement for occ therapy
Bachelor and Master's all together.
A master's is now required for occ. therapists
HE DID IT!!!
He just has to finish his last internship this summer and take his boards.

I admire his courage more than anything
I know he worked hard, but i think it took more courage to change his life
To say, "No, i don't want to move in this direction any more. I want to go this way!"
And then do it and stick with it.
I'm grateful for my brother and the example he has set.
It's never too late!!!

I also got to see my best buds from high school
So fun to catch up and look back.
One friend is watching her mom struggle with cancer
She is the daughter to do most of the care taking
Odd as she is the youngest but the most responsible.
not the typical youngest.
Mom is not doing well and all signs are pointing to a hard battle.
Parent mortality is something no one is ready for.
Your mom and dad are just supposed to always be there.
How do you prepare yourself for life without them?
How do you deal with all your issues before they are gone?
How are you strong for them ,but also deal with your own sadness and fear?
All questions my friend is dealing with , while still a mother to her kids and working part time.
So my prayers this week have included praises of gratitude
and petitions for healing and strength.

Thank you Lord for David!
Thank you for the lessons you teach me through his life!
Bless him in his new career!
Helo him to realize all good and perfect things come from You!
Continue to work on his heart and bring him to You!

Please Lord!
Spare Mrs. Vanos pain and agony!
Hold this family up with your strength!
Give them joy amidst the suffering.
Help them to open up to one another while there is still time
Give them wisdom and discernment with her care and medical decisions
Heal her if it is Your Will!
I ask all this in Jesus name
AMEN

Worms

nobody likes me
everybody hates me
im going to eat some worms...

remember that song from when we were kids
it was meant to gross people out
but some days i feel like that

i know its not true
and the evil one wants me to doubt my value as a child of God
but i still struggle with feelings of worth

especially when i blow it
or blow up at someone
like i did yesterday

Jesus loves you and im trying
is a favorite saying of mine
funny , yes , but true

its hard to love when your feelings are hurt
its hard to love when someone hurts the ones you love
its hard to love

i cant do it in my own strength
sometimes i can barely do it relying on God
im so weak!!
definitely a sinner saved by grace

so i continue to try
continue to forgive others
continue to forgive myself
continue to press on toward the prize
not yet finished
work in process

oprah is the queen of butt-kissery

i think just about anyone that you talk to would agree that tom cruise and the scientology group are nuts.
there is enough documentation of there crazy beliefs and his crazy antic.
even oprah, at different times has agreed that his behavior was strange ( the couch episode).
Yet today on her show she has her lips making out with his butt.
cover crazy with enough money and interior designing and people will think you are normal.
his home is gorgeous, his wife is gorgeous, he is gorgeous, so it almost lures you into thinking that he is normal.
that believing that we are aliens from another planet and that you can achieve some higher standing in the universe through your deeds , is absolutely normal.
BUT IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are a society of spin. not truth.
spin your image
present your own reality
package your product.
scandal conveniently comes out when there is a new movie or book or record
no such thing as bad publicity
not just entertainment
politics, sports, education
dont know if anything that i see is real
its like an never-ending reel of that scene in the wizard of oz
pay no attention to the man behind the screen.
we are being manipulated.
but who is the source?
who has a vested interest in our being deluded?
who doesnt want us to feel absolutes?
sense a truth that is undisputable?
Ok here it comes. my best church lady imitation
SATAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we are being heavily campaigned against to turn from truth.
why now?
why so much more noise?
why is the most powerful woman in tv giving one of the heads of the biggest cults in the world a 1 hour infomercial?
after reading the left behind series i now feel that the anti christ could look a lot like tom cruise
polished, nice, appealing, well groomed and well- off, powerful
so thankful that satan's power is limited
he might have money and power for a time but the clock is ticking.
and it seems to be louder and louder lately.
keep your eyes to the heavens!!!!

obsession

i have a new obession
its beginning to worry my husband
i dream about it at night

what is it you ask?
POKER
texas hold'em specifically
I LOVE IT!!

was introduced at a birthday tournament
pay $5 each and the winner gets the pot.
about 20 people
4 tables to start
5 at each table
i was so scared
i had never played
they gave a small intro lesson
i figured i would be one of the first out,
which bummed me out b/c im extremely competitive
and have a tendancy to talk smack.
But if i lost it was ok b/c we had hired a babysitter
BUT I DIDN"T
by some miracle, and i little coaching ,at first, by my poker sensei (S/P)
i moved on to the head table
where i proceeded to slowly bleed chips
convinced i was going out
BUT I DIDN"T
i had a couple of great hands and i was right back in it
and finally it was down to me and one of the guys who had taught me at the beginning of the night.
i had great cards and went all in
I WON!!!!!!!!!!!

ever since then i have been hooked
i watch world series of poker on espn2
world poker tour on the travel channel
i have bought 2 poker computer games( World series of Poker-Battle the Brat is by far the best)
i can't explain it.
brian is worried im going to drain the bank accounts and run away to vegas
but i am too chicken to actually risk any of my own money
$5 tourneys are the way to go.
minimal risk with the potenial for modest pay off.

So i guess the next step is a 12 step program
Hi... my name is jen hauss and i have a texas holdem problem
it has been 5 hours since i last played. :)

just some pics of the kids cuz i love them. life is good and the pic of andrew makes all the pet hair on my furniture worth it. :)

Sick Day

Ok, im not feeling great today
and it is the busiest day of the week for the Hauss Family
so im calling in a sick day
no BSF
no Awana
no driving ( yeah right. dont i wish)

im not at death's door of anything
i just dont feel good and i dont want to go anywhere
im entitled everynow and again
it's not a pattern
YET :)

in other news-
i was surfing the blogs and i noticed
some have this "5 facts you didnt know about me" thing
thought it was cute
so here it goes.

1.I was on the varsity badminton team one year in high school

2.HATE bell pepper and caraway seeds
especially caraway seeds- YUCK

3.im a total tomboy but i love a good period romance movie- jane austen preferred

4.i shared a paper route with my brother for a few years

5. saw president clinton walking back to the white house after a funeral church service at the national chapel

there you have it. hope it was a light into my soul :).

not for the weak stomachs!

...so i'm at the kids school the other day
i'm in charge of the big marque sign out front.
i get the announcements from the principal
then change the letters in the sign
almost weekly

anyway,
i was at the school doing this right before kenna and graham got out school
andrew was helping me but he got bored and asked to wait in the car
the car was 20 feet away so i took him there
cracked the window (not hot, just for fresh air)
and proceed to finish my sign.

every few minutes i look over at him and he seems fine
as im finishing i look over and he is standing on the drivers seat
both his hands are on the window
and seem to be covered with chocolate.
chocolate?
did i have chocolate in the car?
OH NO!
Please tell me i had chocolate in the car.
i run over to the car and open the door
First the smell smacks, and i do mean SMACKS, me in the face.
Lets just say it wasn't chocolate
then i look around the back seat and i see "it" smeared on all the arm rest, head rest etc.

WHAT DID YOU DO??!!??
duh mom
WHY DID YOU SMEAR IT EVERYWHERE?!?!?!
i was trying to get it off my bottom.
duh mom
Just breathe mom
oh wait , dont breathe or you will throw up.

So now let's play the Glad game.
i'm glad that i did have 2 containers of wet wipes in the car
i'm glad that i have leather seats and they clean up with ease.
i'm glad most of it was contained in his underwear
i'm glad that he is potty trained and i cant remember the last time i had to clean up a poopy diaper
i'm glad i'm blogging this so i can get back at him during his jr. high years!!

stay at home mom

when people ask me what i do
i tell them i am a stay at home mom
yet that, i must confess, is a lie
i am not a stay at home mom
in fact
i am a "never at home but usually in the car driving someone to something "mom

i really feel like i have the tip of my nose above water some days
running from one thing to the next
no time to catch my breath
always feeling like i am forgetting something
most times i am

get to baseball
drop off at softball
buy treats for the game
lead game square for awana
get someone to pick up graham from baseball
oh wait what is for dinner?
did you do your homework?
you need how much for you class booth at carnival?
oh i'll sew your patch on next week
its not clean...well it doesn't smell that bad
just wear it.
none of your shorts fit? are you sure?
get in the car or we are going to be late
oh great... i'm almost out of gas
we have to stop
i know your going to be late
its just practice. the coach will just have to understand.

I wish i was a stay at home mom.
i would love to stay home
and never leave :)

Amidst the whirlwind of life i hear God
Be still and know that I am God.
im trying Lord
i really am
yet
yesterday i found another verse to give me hope

His way is in the whirlwind and the storm-Nahum 1:3a

Now the context of the verse doesnt fit my situation.
its talking about God's strength and power
and that He will not leave the guilty in Nineveh unpunished
but
it does go on to say this:

The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in Him Nahum 1:7

This may be a whirlwind of a life right now but God works in whirlwind
He will be my refuge in the storm.
I just need to hold on and trust in Him

Kathryn Louise Beiter

Whirlwind continues to be the word this weekend
Kathy's heart stopped early friday morning
Jason and the paramedics saved her life.
She woke Jason moaning.
He couldn't wake her.
She stopped breathing.
Between his rescue breathing he called 911
paramedics shocked her 3 times before her heart started.
At the hospital a breathing tube and ventilator needed.
2 days of waiting.
Cardial Myopathy.
She is only 38
prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer
God is good
tube came out yesterday.
Kathy is awake. she can speak and move. not neuro damage from her heart stopping
Today she got to call her kids on the phone.
She is out of ICU
I will scream from the highest mountain to anyone who will listen
PRAYER WORKS.
she still has a long road of recovery before her and her life will be forever altered
but she is here. to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend
PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW
PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW
PRAISE HIM ABOVE YE HEAVENLY HOSTS
PRAISE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GHOST
AMEN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today is the birthday of my baby girl Anneka.
She would have been 5 today.
I can't believe it has been that long.
Such a time of sadness and yet extreme joy in my life.

Sadness for the dream that did not happen.
For the daughter I would never know.
The disappointment of my children and family .
Experiencing childbirth without getting the gift of a child.

Yet the grace and joy that God gave us during this time was immeasurable.
Joy of realizing the love and care of our friends, family, and church family.
Joy of seeing our faith made real.
Realizing the strength I felt was not mine, but a gift from God.
The joy of realizing how amazing and miraculous Graham and McKenna are.
The joy of closeness that Brian and I felt for each other.
Some couples drift apart during childbirth crisis.
We clung together.
Being able to trust God in another pregnancy even after losing Anneka.
God gave us strength in our weakness!!

So now instead of focusing only on the sadness of losing Anneka,
I try to focus on the joy and blessings her life gave me and my family.
We are better for loving and knowing her.
We all look forward to reuniting with her.
She was a sweet gift that I thank God for letting me be a part of.
I miss you sweet girl.
Happy Birthday Anneka Marjorie

wandering in the desert

had some sad news yesterday
our elder board asked for our pastor's resignation
he submitted and resigned

sad not b/c i disagree
b/c i agree with our elders
sad b/c it's a problem in my family

its never fun when your family disagrees
u may agree more with one person or the other
u may not even be involved
yet if your in the family it affects u

i also feel like the israelites wandering in the desert
they cry out to God
we are hungry
he sends manna
they are thankful for a while
then they cry out
we are sick of manna
he gives them meat

i prayed for this change to happen
and now i am sad about it.
i prayed for something to be done in our church
there were problems w/ our pastor
problems that were tried to be address for a while
problems that he refuse to change
i trust God and i knew he was here for a reason
but i wondered what the purpose of this trial was.
wait
wander
pray

finally God gave our church an answer
an answer i wanted
yet i dont feel like rejoicing
i know it was the right decision
yet it pains me to see my family hurting
pains me to see the questions
pains me that not everyone knows the depths of the problems
the depths of anguish that went into this decision

we are not new to conflict in this church
we have had a lot of experience
i begin to wonder
is it not them but us?
yet as i pray and reflect to God
i get the sense that it isn't
i also feel like it is no different anywhere else
as long as fallen humans are in the church there will be problems
disagreements
conflicts
scandal

read the Bible
paul had problems with timothy
he wrote to different churches
urging them to get back on track
the jews constantly turning away
having to return to God
even Moses wasn't allow into promised land
b/c of his disobedience
we are dumb sheep
prone to wander
prone to scandal

so down on my knees i go
pray for our church
pray for reconciliation b/t our congregation
pray for our pastor and his family
pray pray pray for our elders
who may feel doubted and attacked
pray for their families
praise God for helping them to be obedient to His Word
praise God for his answer to our prayers
pray for willingness to accept His answer and not doubt

whirlwind week

now i know why i titled this blog whirlwind mama.
that is what this last week was.
Nana and Papa Hauss last weekend
andrew bday tuesday
bsf fellowship at my house
baseball, softball, awana games practice
Nana and Papa Wartman this weekend
physical therapy for ankle.
i feel like i have been hit by a hurricane
how long till summer.

i have so much more energy for the soccer season that for the baseball season.
soccer at the beginning of the rat race
baseball at the end.
my goal is May
if i can just make it til May i'm home-free.
i hope.

I have started physical therapy this week for my bum ankle
IT IS SO HARD!!!!!!!!
I AM SO OUT OF SHAPE!!!!!!
my ankle isn't really sore but the rest of my body is dying.
i thought i would love to do biggest loser someday
but after my therapy sessions i know that i would be terrible
i would lose all the challenges
cry when my trainer yelled at me
my teamates would complain that i wasn't trying hard enuf
but i would be trying my hardest.
im just i big weak out of shape cry baby.

im realizing that i keep injuring this ankle b/c the rest of my body is weak
all of my leg muscles got a work out today
they yelled at me
"hey i thought we had an agreement.
what's the deal with all the pull and pushing.
we get you to and fro and that's it."
i have got to keep it up though.
i have appts.
maybe this will get the weight loss wheel rolling.

well, i must go and take some advil.

Early spring cleaning

i have to clean my house .
i haven't even started.
our house is never too out of control.
clutter is picked up.
Brian hates clutter.
I once asked him what would make him feel loved
when we walked in the door after a day of work?
dinner ready?
make-up on?
time to himself to decompresss?
etc.
He picked a straightened up house.
that's it!

But ... i need to CLEAN
not straighten
because we are having a dinner here for Brian's mens group.
they do a valentine's dinner for the wives.
the people coming don't care if the house is spotless
but sometimes you just feel like putting your best foot forward
and the house sort of needs a good cleaning.

i dont mind cleaning once i start,
but like everything in my life.
it is the starting that is the hard part.
i am the queen of procrastination.
i need to pressure of a deadline.
So i have one .
And a good excuse to give my house a good cleaning in the process.

Stewart Colbert vs Conan, FINALE (080204)

february blahs

i think i need to make a new rule
plan a fun trip in Februrary
every year.
this is the time of year that i just have the blahs
its cold
its dark
nothing to watch or cheer for.
Christmas vacation long gone
summer so far away
i just want to hibernate but with kids you cant
so i end up having bad attitude about going anywhere
do we have to go to Awana tonight?
quiz practice again?

this is when the "less of me" is hard
less of me more of you Lord!
if i do what i want, or try to do it in my strength
Bad Attitude- Failure
but if i do what i think i dont want but let God work thru me
He blesses that.
Start Awana in a bad mood
End Awana praising God for the girls and the joy of Christian fellowship.
Hate going to quiz practice
LOVE watching my kids compete and seeing the blessings of them knowing God's Word.

SO the solution for the blahs is either a great trip
which i STILL think i will plan :)
or
more time in the Word and in service.
Less of me and more of You

the fan in fanatic

watched the super bowl yesterday-
LOVED IT!
not my teams but a great game!
defense was the game!
no one gave in!
fought till the end!

found myself screaming in excitement
its just a game i tell myself
why is it so important to me ?
i peek at the action through my fingers
i cant stand the suspense.
its not life or death-
its not effecting me personally
yet
i am yelling at family not to jinx the giants
don't change your seat or they might lose
don't celebrate till the last sec has passed or they might lose
don't be too cocky on sidelines or they might lose.

i think i still am dealing with the effects of the stanford cal game
from my childhood.
when the band became part of the defense.
they jinxed themselves by celebrating before the end of the game.
or maybe its because i played so much girls softball growing up
i cant even remember how many games i saw change their fate with 2 outs in the last innning.
we even had a cheer.
rally on 2
rally on 2 rally
on rally on rally on 2
woooo

so all this to say- i see where they got the term fan
we are fans- fanatics
fanatics when it comes to sports
fanatic when it comes to superstion with sports
fanatic when it comes to our emotions during a game.

and now i will regroup.
become a normal person for a few months
until april and then it will all start again.
cheering for the giants again.
not new york's but san francisco's
GO GIANTS!!!!!!!!!!

nothing new to post

its been a while
life is chugging along
bought new camera but haven't taken it out of box
want to plan trip with brian but haven't picked a date
need to take dog in to get nails trimmed but haven't made appt.
graham wants piano lessons but haven't called the lady yet.
mckenna needs uniform cleaned so she can turn it back in but haven't done laundry yet.
need to decide about what is for dinner but haven't gone to the store yet
have bible study fellowship tomorrow but haven't done the lesson yet.

some days are like that. lots to do but no desire to do it.
but i have time to post. :)

keep it to yourself

i had just been bragging to my mom and dad.
has been a really healthy winter for us.
only little colds and such
nothing major.
within days of that the aches started
1st brian and andrew.
faucet noses and non stop sneezing
talking like elmer fudd
achy joints & muscles
no fever though (thank goodness)
next up Me!
so what have i learned from this experience?
pretend that you don't realize that your good fortune.:)
or just keep it to yourself.
must go and re-hydrate!

name meaning

What Jennifer Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

ITS A MIRACLE!!

i used my treadmill today.
30 minutes.
even jogged for a little while.
the jiggling was amazing
i dont think i need to lose weight
i think i can just keep running
& then it will rip away from my body
like pulling the skin off a piece chicken.
GROSS i know

so did i enjoy it?
well, not really. i never do
but i felt good afterwards
not going to go full board this time
im going to ease into this lifestyle change
Bob greene philosophy ( oprah's trainer)
get moving first
work on the food issues once i get this established

also bought this new cd
called skinny songs
fun inspirational songs
to keep me on track with good choices

i am not going to weigh myself for a while
its not so much about my weight as it is getting healthy
if im getting healthy then the weight loss will follow
we will see.
that is my strategy today
tomorrow maybe different.

MUSIC

i love music!
i go thru spells of listening nonstop
and then putting it aside.
so many favs
im a schizo when it comes to music
christian rock, fleetwood mac. musicals,
sting , janet jackson, earth wind and fire
def leppard, classical, ac/dc,
norah jones, jill scott, jamiroqui
bonnie raitt, queen, and of course
U2

music can get me out of any bad mood or console me
when i dont want to get out of it.
make a fool out of self when driving
self conscious to raise hands in church but will
rock out driving down Herndon w/o care in the world.
justin timberlake has nothing on my
driver seat boogie.

got to go
corrine rae bailey just came on
Put Your Records On
how appropriate

NEW YEAR

Im not a join w/ the crowd girl
if everyone is reading the book
or watching the movie
or joining the diet
i tend to shy away or wait.
i also dont enjoy being told
to turn to the person next to me in church
and say something...God loves you etc.
not that i dont feel that God loves them but
i want to tell them in a genuine conversation
not b/c i have been told to do it in mass obedience.

all this to say i need to lose weight.
a lot of weight.
yet i dont want to do it now b/c everyone is dieting.
i also dont want to fail yet again
i've tried MANY times .

i dont enjoy being fat.
i feel like i am letting down so many people.
mom, bri, kids, extended family, myself.
im the only one with weight problem.
so far no health problems but i know im ticking time bomb.

so... im trying yet again.
or as yoda says
not try...do
could this be the year?
20 years since high school.
reunion may be the motivation.

so goodbye McD's
goodbye drive thrus
goodbye flavored creamers
goodbye cookies and chips.
its been fun but our days together are thru.
dust off the treadmill.
park far in parking lots.
where did i put that pedometer?
i can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.

Pets

I love my pets. i love my pets
if i keep saying it i wont drop kick them.

took them to petsmart clinic today.
no office fee just shots fee.
just to get my dogs vaccinations current
$130.00

cat had to be de-wormed
gross i know but vet said it b/c of fleas
tigger is an outdoor cat who brings them
one-time medicine at $25 at cat.

discount clinic cost me $180
didn't even get the cat vaccinations
got there at 2:30
didn't leave till 4
3 kids 2 cats 1 dog
1 grumpy mom

i love my pets i love my pets
oh wait whats this...
jonah pooped in our room &
someone peed on andrew's floor
i love my pets. i love my pets
I LOVE MY PETS!!!!!!!!!

coming out of a christmas fog

well we made it.
the Christmas season is finished.
we packed up ALL the decor and lights today.
i was telling brian that i love putting up the decor
but i love taking it down just as much.
why is that?
how could something bring you joy one month
and then you are so glad to pack it up.

Christmas wasn't what i expected. good just different.
lots of family and traveling.
family can be hard.
the longer we are apart the harder it is to be together.
my brother in law said some very wise words to me.
your problem is you have expectations.
the key is to have no expectations
then you are not disappointed.
good advice but hard to do.
maybe that is a good new year's resolution
no expectations.
i hope i can do it.
i wont expect too much. :)

here is praying 2008 will be a great year filled with
LOVE
JOY
LAUGHTER
PEACE
HEALTH
AND HAPPINESS.

AMEN