stay at home mom

when people ask me what i do
i tell them i am a stay at home mom
yet that, i must confess, is a lie
i am not a stay at home mom
in fact
i am a "never at home but usually in the car driving someone to something "mom

i really feel like i have the tip of my nose above water some days
running from one thing to the next
no time to catch my breath
always feeling like i am forgetting something
most times i am

get to baseball
drop off at softball
buy treats for the game
lead game square for awana
get someone to pick up graham from baseball
oh wait what is for dinner?
did you do your homework?
you need how much for you class booth at carnival?
oh i'll sew your patch on next week
its not clean...well it doesn't smell that bad
just wear it.
none of your shorts fit? are you sure?
get in the car or we are going to be late
oh great... i'm almost out of gas
we have to stop
i know your going to be late
its just practice. the coach will just have to understand.

I wish i was a stay at home mom.
i would love to stay home
and never leave :)

Amidst the whirlwind of life i hear God
Be still and know that I am God.
im trying Lord
i really am
yet
yesterday i found another verse to give me hope

His way is in the whirlwind and the storm-Nahum 1:3a

Now the context of the verse doesnt fit my situation.
its talking about God's strength and power
and that He will not leave the guilty in Nineveh unpunished
but
it does go on to say this:

The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in Him Nahum 1:7

This may be a whirlwind of a life right now but God works in whirlwind
He will be my refuge in the storm.
I just need to hold on and trust in Him

Kathryn Louise Beiter

Whirlwind continues to be the word this weekend
Kathy's heart stopped early friday morning
Jason and the paramedics saved her life.
She woke Jason moaning.
He couldn't wake her.
She stopped breathing.
Between his rescue breathing he called 911
paramedics shocked her 3 times before her heart started.
At the hospital a breathing tube and ventilator needed.
2 days of waiting.
Cardial Myopathy.
She is only 38
prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer prayer
God is good
tube came out yesterday.
Kathy is awake. she can speak and move. not neuro damage from her heart stopping
Today she got to call her kids on the phone.
She is out of ICU
I will scream from the highest mountain to anyone who will listen
PRAYER WORKS.
she still has a long road of recovery before her and her life will be forever altered
but she is here. to be a mom, wife, daughter, sister and friend
PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW
PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW
PRAISE HIM ABOVE YE HEAVENLY HOSTS
PRAISE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GHOST
AMEN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Today is the birthday of my baby girl Anneka.
She would have been 5 today.
I can't believe it has been that long.
Such a time of sadness and yet extreme joy in my life.

Sadness for the dream that did not happen.
For the daughter I would never know.
The disappointment of my children and family .
Experiencing childbirth without getting the gift of a child.

Yet the grace and joy that God gave us during this time was immeasurable.
Joy of realizing the love and care of our friends, family, and church family.
Joy of seeing our faith made real.
Realizing the strength I felt was not mine, but a gift from God.
The joy of realizing how amazing and miraculous Graham and McKenna are.
The joy of closeness that Brian and I felt for each other.
Some couples drift apart during childbirth crisis.
We clung together.
Being able to trust God in another pregnancy even after losing Anneka.
God gave us strength in our weakness!!

So now instead of focusing only on the sadness of losing Anneka,
I try to focus on the joy and blessings her life gave me and my family.
We are better for loving and knowing her.
We all look forward to reuniting with her.
She was a sweet gift that I thank God for letting me be a part of.
I miss you sweet girl.
Happy Birthday Anneka Marjorie

wandering in the desert

had some sad news yesterday
our elder board asked for our pastor's resignation
he submitted and resigned

sad not b/c i disagree
b/c i agree with our elders
sad b/c it's a problem in my family

its never fun when your family disagrees
u may agree more with one person or the other
u may not even be involved
yet if your in the family it affects u

i also feel like the israelites wandering in the desert
they cry out to God
we are hungry
he sends manna
they are thankful for a while
then they cry out
we are sick of manna
he gives them meat

i prayed for this change to happen
and now i am sad about it.
i prayed for something to be done in our church
there were problems w/ our pastor
problems that were tried to be address for a while
problems that he refuse to change
i trust God and i knew he was here for a reason
but i wondered what the purpose of this trial was.
wait
wander
pray

finally God gave our church an answer
an answer i wanted
yet i dont feel like rejoicing
i know it was the right decision
yet it pains me to see my family hurting
pains me to see the questions
pains me that not everyone knows the depths of the problems
the depths of anguish that went into this decision

we are not new to conflict in this church
we have had a lot of experience
i begin to wonder
is it not them but us?
yet as i pray and reflect to God
i get the sense that it isn't
i also feel like it is no different anywhere else
as long as fallen humans are in the church there will be problems
disagreements
conflicts
scandal

read the Bible
paul had problems with timothy
he wrote to different churches
urging them to get back on track
the jews constantly turning away
having to return to God
even Moses wasn't allow into promised land
b/c of his disobedience
we are dumb sheep
prone to wander
prone to scandal

so down on my knees i go
pray for our church
pray for reconciliation b/t our congregation
pray for our pastor and his family
pray pray pray for our elders
who may feel doubted and attacked
pray for their families
praise God for helping them to be obedient to His Word
praise God for his answer to our prayers
pray for willingness to accept His answer and not doubt