Grahammy Joe

you know in the sound of music when the sisters sing that song about maria?
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
i need to make my own version for my Grahammy Joe.
such a quirky funny kid.
sweetness, gentleness, tenderness
peppered with onriness, stubborness and forgetfulness.
in fact i think my son is the female version of that sound of music song.
How do you make him stay and listen to all you say?
how do you keep a wave apon the sand?

Graham is not a problem though.
just a puzzle that i am continuing to figure out.
actually it is not that hard
Graham is me.
fun-loving & friendly yet lazy and forgetful.
Procrastination should be our middle names instead if Marie and Joseph.

if it wasn't for Graham who would collect all the randon rocks on the ground?
if it wasn't for Graham who would make me feel cool that at 37 i'm still playing LegosStarWars with him in my free time?
who would sing me show tunes, 50's music and U2 songs?
who would take 20 minute showers? ( well actually ,thats another area that Graham and I share.)
How would I know the proper procedure for emergency room visits?
who would point to me after he scores a goal ( after much prodding by his mom)?

Graham makes life exciting and exhausting.
he is like grover from sesame street. Cute and Adorable

thanksgiving and mortality

went to visit my grandparents this thanksgiving
live in south east arizona
they are in their 80's now
this is the 1st visit i realized
they are mortal
they won't be here forever
the house that is on 2 acres in the gorgeous high desert

not a kid friendly house by any means
grandma has reached the cranky, "dont touch that" stage
kids want to go home after about 2 days but
always want to go visit again every year
lots of memories for me there
love it more now than i did as a kid
remember thinking it was boring when i was a kid

wont always be there for me and my family
cant imagine it yet its closer than i want to admit
hard to watch capable vibrant people slowly fall apart
knee surgery here
cataract surgery there
grandpa do you have your teeth?
grandma let me get that heavy plate for you.

they have been married for 60+ years now
married at 18
if one goes before the other it will be absolute misery for the other

im thankful for them and the love they have given me
they are flawed and human like the rest of us
yet they are mine and i love them

never boring

brian and i are celebrating our 15th year in Dec.
dated 4 years b4 that
19 of the best years of my life
I LOVE HIM!!!!!!
so why do i argue with him still?
each argument never to different from that last.
Jen-you dont hear me
Brian-no, You dont hear Me
Jen-Why dont you listen?
Brian-Why don't you listen?
Jen- you always do this.
Brian- well you never do that.

on and on and on and on and on
quite a mystery at times

I prayed for a husband like Brian
I praised God for giving me such a great husband
i dont deserve the gift that Brian is in my life
Yet....
we drive each other crazy at times.
sometimes like speaking to a foreigner
we are saying the same thing just speaking a different language
why is that?
do i blame adam and eve?
do i blame myself?
should i stop blaming Brian?
i'm sure it is not the last one!:)

after a fight i truly feel my fallen nature.
after resolution i feel so remorseful and repentant
so connected and close to Brian after forgiveness
why am i me? why can't i be better?
why am i always right?:) j/k

Less of me and more of you God.

clothes shopping

i dont know when i became a speed shopper.
it must have been somewhere b/t kid 1 and 2.
i try to see as much as i can in a short time OR
find what i'm looking for in record time.

i dont relish in the shopping experience as i did as a teen.
i guess it comes from not having to only buy for myself,
and feeling guilty for spending too much money.
i usually shop for the new season ( winter , summer)
or for an event

Target is my only true shopping joy.
i can spend hours there buying nothing and everything
it never gets old to me

today my daughter begged for mom time
can we go shopping just you and me
she doesnt ask often so when she does i know she needs it
i like spending time with her and cant believe she's mine
already so poised and mature at 10

found what we need in record time. 3 stores in hour and a half.
she liked what we got and it was in price range
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!
i was so proud that i was bragging to brian
kenna overheard me say
it was a great shopping trip . we found what we needed and it didn't take long at all.
kenna chimes in
yay i know. ( in her sweet preteen voice =sarcasm)
you wanted to shop longer? i questioned
YESS!!!!!!!
why didn't you say anything?
you didn't ask.

we are different creatures she and i
i'm pretty laid back,lazy, and not super girlie
she is a driven, hard-working,perfectionist who LOVES to shop
we have some similarities- sports, humor, last name
but we are God's unique creations.
Hard a times but intriguing at others.
I LOVE HER!!!

exhaustion

my eyelids weighed 2 tons today
pinching myself in BSF today
dozing on the couch
napping on my bed.
snoring
STILL TIRED

i know why and i hate the reason.
my whole life is now broken up in which week or day it is
my cycle

ovulating day (yes i feel it)
grumpy & irritable week
tired day
upset stomach day
cramp days
PERIOD
10 days
good normal week and a half
start all over

hate emotions and feelings hormone induced
why cant i be me all the time
love no birth control
hate natural cycles
womanhood has its perks
this isn't one of them

clean carpets

had the carpets cleaned today
loving the results
but
moving furniture
left evidence
we are filthy
spots everywhere
reverse spots
clean spots where furniture was
Brian comments
wish it could stay this clean
it will some day
when kids gone
trade off really

clean carpets
no kids

dirty carpets
house filled with dirt...
and laughter
and joy
and excitment
and love